A Test to Determine if the Reason People Avoid You is Because You are so Smart You Make Them Nervous

By: Ben Goode

ESSAY
1.  In minute detail, chronicle the history of Eastern philosophical thought from the beginning of the Bronze Age to the present.  Be sure to consider the practical application of such thinking within regional social and religious constraints and it's eventual influence on the animated film and country music industries.

2. Using abstract language characters you have invented, explain calculus. (No electronic calculators allowed.)

3.  Discover cold fusion.  Describe in detail the economic benefits that will accrue to hunter-gatherer societies within the Amazon Basin as a result of your invention giving special attention to atmospheric environmental models.

4.  In twenty-five words or less elaborate the tenants of all major Zoroastrian religions of the ancient world.

5.  Using chemicals found around your house, create an inexpensive antidote for each of the following: Anthrax, E.Bola, Herpes, Gout, Environmental Extremism, and Breast Cancer.  Then describe an effective, but inexpensive method of distribution of these medications, which will facilitate uninhibited free use of these antidotes in developing nations and Fresno.

6.  Formulate a political strategy, which will culminate in world peace before the end of the current decade.  Be prepared to defend the viability of your plans within the context of militant Islamic societies.

7.  Invent a cure for old age.

8.  Using chord combinations created entirely without outside influence, describe our solar system in music.  Write your opus blending only the following instruments: A mandolin, a harmonica, a sitar, maracas, and a tuba.

9.  You have been provided an electric toothbrush, a can opener, and a pair of cotton briefs.  Using only these surgical tools, remove your occipital lobe.  For liability purposes, be sure and follow generally accepted and sanitary surgical procedures.

10. Buy a professional sports franchise, operate it at a profit, and win a championship in a small market.  Then, acting as athletic director of a school in a non-BCS conference, figure out a way to play for the national championship when your team has the best record in college football.

EXTRA CREDIT:
...Walk on water.